I finally feel ready. I have my passport. I've applied for my visa. I've gotten my shots. I've been cleared by my dentist, physician, and lasik surgeon. I've been through the temple. I have all my outfits and shoes. And I feel prepared. I'm finally ready to be a missionary! Per tradition, I gave my farewell talk last Sunday. I always thought that when I left for my mission I'd be surrounded with my friends and family who were by my side through it all. Seeing as I'm not in Rexburg, Utah, or Kansas, that wasn't the case. I've still felt immense love and support from my family and church leaders during my time at home and I'm so grateful for it.
For those who are interested, here's the talk I gave. I was the last speaker, so it's kind of long. I'll be impressed by those of you who read all the way through it. Only a few more days and these posts will be letters!
My heart is full. I pray that the
Spirit will be with you and me as I attempt to effectively share with you the
message I’ve prepared. I’m going to be using Elder Donald L. Hallstrom of the
Presidency of the Seventy’s talk from this past General Conference to share
with you the importance of both the gospel and the Church. His talk is entitled
“Converted to His Gospel through His Church.” He starts out by saying, “Sometimes
we use the terms gospel and Church interchangeably, but they are not
the same. They are, however, exquisitely interconnected, and we need both. The
gospel is the glorious plan of God in which we, as His children, are given the
opportunity to receive all that the Father has. This is called eternal life and
is described as ‘the greatest of all the gifts of God.’ A vital part of the
plan is our earthly experience – a time to develop faith, to repent, and to reconcile
ourselves with God. The Church [is the organization] established by Jesus
Christ during His earthly ministry, ‘built upon the foundation of the apostles
and prophets.’ Jesus Christ is the head of His Church, represented on earth by
prophets holding apostolic authority.”
It’s the Church that brings people
to a full conversion to the gospel. It’s the habits we teach and the culture we
embrace as part of the Church that allows us to experience that “mighty change
of heart” talked about all throughout the Book of Mormon. Alma reminds the
people of what a true conversion feels like in Alma 5. There’s a series of
questions he asks them and they’re questions I like to ask myself. “Have ye
spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances?
Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? Do ye exercise faith in the
redemption of him who created you? Can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear
the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come unto me ye blessed,
for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of
the earth? And lastly, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have
felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?"
Sometimes I’m jealous of the people
we call “converts.” They have a
different perspective on the gospel. Sometimes I think they are more grateful
for the blessing it is in their lives. Or maybe they’re just grateful in a
different way. They can tell you when, where, and how they decided to become a
member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They know the
day-to-night difference that is life without versus life with the gospel. And
you can feel the pure, innocent love they have for this treasure they’ve found
in the truth. I, on the other hand, have been a member of the Church all my
life, as I was born to parents who were sealed in the temple. I recognize how
blessed I am to have had the Church be such a huge part of my life always. Even
though I am a life-long member, I don’t discredit the idea that everyone who
fully comes unto Christ will experience their own conversion. I’d like to talk
a little about mine. I don’t recall ever having one of those “aha!” moments
where I had an experience or felt a feeling and knew just like that, that the
Church was true. Instead there were times along the way where I became more
sure and confident in my testimony of the gospel and conversion to its truth.
It wasn’t easy being the only
Mormon in my grade, or even in my school for that matter. But it was a great
blessing as I grew and matured in the Gospel. I think had I been born or raised
in a place like Utah where I would have felt more comfortable and a little less
peculiar, my testimony wouldn’t be as strong or refined as it is. I wouldn’t
have experienced the same conversion to the Gospel that I did. As it was, I
couldn’t stay on the fence long. I had to quickly decide whether or not I knew
the Church to be true. I gained a testimony at an early age and couldn’t go
back on what I knew was right, no matter how alone or different I felt.
One of these conversion moments
happened for me when I was 14. My friend Morgan had been spending a lot of time
with my family and had come on some of our vacations. She started to show some
interest in the Church and accepted my invitation to come to Girls’ Camp with
me. I remember one night in particular when we were sitting on my bed in our
cabin. It was the last night of camp and all the other girls in our group had
gone to play games by the campfire, but we had stayed behind. Morgan asked me
to tell her about Joseph Smith so I got out my scriptures and we read the
Joseph Smith story together. I remember how impressed she was by the faith and
strength of a boy who had been just our age at the time. She told me that the
things she’d been learning and feeling during that one week at Girls’ Camp had
seemed more right to her than all the things she’d ever learned at her own
church. A few days later after my week of spiritual highs had ended I found a
note Morgan left me. In it she said that
she knew Heavenly Father sent my family and me to her. She could feel His love
for her when she was with us and she knew what she had learned at camp was
true. She thanked me for my friendship and for opening up to her about what I believed.
That experience brought me closer to my Savior, increased my love for the
gospel, and strengthened my testimony of Joseph Smith and his key role in
restoring the true Church to the Earth.
Quoting Elder Hallstrom again,
“This is a magnificent Church. Its organization, effectiveness, and sheer
goodness are respected by all who sincerely seek to understand it. The Church
has programs for children, youth, men, and women. It has beautiful
meetinghouses that number more than 18,000. Majestic temples – now totaling 136
– dot the earth, with another 30 under construction or announced. A full-time missionary force of over 56,000
comprised of the young and less so, are serving in 150 countries. The Church’s
worldwide humanitarian work is a marvelous display of the generosity of our
members. Our welfare system cares for our members and promotes self-reliance in
a manner unduplicated anywhere. In this Church we have selfless lay leaders and
a community of Saints who are willing to serve one another in a remarkable way.
There is nothing like this Church in all the world."
With Mitt Romney as the Republican
Presidential nominee, David Archuleta on a mission, and several LDS athletes
who just finished competing in the Olympics, we are in the spotlight now more than
ever. When people hear I’m Mormon, they typically have a pre-conceived notion in
their head about what that means. They’ve either been taught something about
Mormons as part of what they’ve learned at their own church, or they’ve known a
Mormon themselves. Typically after the initial “Oh, you’re Mormon?” there’s a
series of questions like, “How many wives does your dad have?” or “Are you
allowed to dance?” Then there’s the “Oh you’re the people who keep more food in
your basement than in your actual kitchen.” or my personal favorite and one
I’ve never really understood, “You’re not supposed to wear the color blue, are
you?” The people who think they know most about me as a Mormon are those who
proudly claim their atheism. I had another one of those “conversion moments”
with a proud atheist named Daniel last fall.
I had met him last August in Salt
Lake City and we went on one date. The topic of my religion came up almost
immediately after finding out that I go to school at BYU-Idaho. It didn’t take
long to gather that we were on completely different wavelengths when it came to
religion and God. Any conversation remotely related to the two ended in an
argument or hurt feelings. Fast forward a few months to November and my friend Juelaine
and I were driving from Rexburg to Las Vegas for our mutual friend’s wedding.
We picked Daniel up in Salt Lake on the way. Now looking back, I honestly have
no idea what I was thinking bringing Daniel to Vegas for an entire weekend. I
could barely stand being around this egotistical, strong minded, free thinker
who I had literally nothing in common with. For the most part our weekend was okay.
We kept talks light hearted and basic. And then began our five hour drive from
Vegas to Salt Lake.
I’m not sure why, nor do I remember
what we were talking about before this, but during a moment of comfortable
silence I turned to him and asked, “So, um, what do you think will happen to
you when you die?” and it triggered a three hour conversation about the purpose
of life, what happens to us after death, eternal families, faith, prayer, and
agency. We took turns going back and forth about our beliefs, feelings, and
doctrine. We cleared up confusion he had and I think even opened his eyes and
made him rethink some things he had before been so sure about. Not once did I
feel like things were getting heated or argumentative. Juelaine jumped in when
she could tell I needed help and we were quoting scriptures and prophets that
we didn’t even know we knew or remembered. The spirit was so strong. That
conversation was unlike any other I’d ever had, not just with Daniel, but with
anyone, about the gospel. This time I was on the verge of tears, not because my
feelings were hurt, but because I could feel the Holy Ghost there with us.
Talking with Daniel and Juelaine made me realize just how grateful I am for the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It reminded me how big a part of
my life it actually is and made me appreciate how incredibly blessed I am to
know the things I do. It gave me a
renewed desire to be better; to daily immerse myself in the scriptures, to fall
on my knees in prayer, and to constantly be seeking for moments and
opportunities to share what I know, whether through conversation, or simply by
example. That one experience is the reason I gave going on a mission serious
thought. I believe I became more converted to the gospel that day.
Elder Hallstrom says, “Some have come to think of activity in
the Church as the ultimate goal. Therein lies a danger. It is possible to be
active in the Church and less active in the gospel. Activity in the Church is a
highly desirable goal; however, it is insufficient. Activity in the church is
an outward indication of our spiritual desire. If we attend our meetings, hold
and fulfill Church responsibilities, and serve others, it is publicly observed.
By contrast, the things of the gospel are usually less visible and more
difficult to measure, but they are of greater eternal importance. For example,
how much faith do we really have? How repentant are we? How meaningful are the
ordinances in our lives? How focused are we on our covenants? We need the
gospel and the Church.”
The whole purpose of the Church is to assist us in living the
gospel. It’s hard not to wonder how a once fully active member of the Church
can slip into inactivity and stop coming completely. Elder Hallstrom suggests
that it may be because “they were not sufficiently converted to the gospel –
the things of eternity.” He then outlines three fundamental ways to have the
gospel be our foundation.
The first is deepen our understanding of Deity. “A sustained knowledge of and
love for the three members of the Godhead are indispensable. Mindfully pray to
the Father, in the name of the Son, and seek direction from the Holy Ghost.
Couple prayer with constant study and humble pondering to continually build
unshakable faith in Jesus Christ.” We can’t know God and follow His plan for us
if we don’t understand His role as our Master, as well as our Friend.
Next is focus on the ordinances and covenants. “We need to establish the
discipline to live faithful to our covenants and fully using the weekly gift of
the sacrament. Many of us are not being regularly changed by its cleansing
power because of our lack of reverence for this holy ordinance.”
Lastly, unite the gospel with the Church. ”As we concentrate on the gospel,
the Church will become more, not less, of a blessing in our lives. As we come
to each meeting prepared to ‘seek learning, even by study and also by faith,’
the Holy Spirit will be our teacher. If we come to be entertained, we often
will be disappointed.”
In the last few weeks I’ve learned
that it’s going to take courage to leave the world behind. When I first
received my mission call the only thing I felt was pure joy and excitement. I
knew my call came straight from Heavenly Father, through His servant President
Monson. I was eager to learn everything I could about Spain. As someone who has always struggled to get up in the mornings, I became
especially excited when I learned that I would wake up and go to bed an hour
later than the missionaries in the rest of the world due to the highly
celebrated Spanish tradition of “siesta.” Shopping for mission clothes was fun, renewing my passport and
applying for a visa was stressful and all this waiting
and working I’ve been doing for the last six months has been tiring. Now,
though I’m still so incredibly excited, I'm starting to get nervous. Parts
of me feel inadequate and incapable. I’m anxious about the MTC and getting my
first companion. I'm scared that I won't do, or be, or say the right things. I’m overwhelmed.
But despite all that, I know now more than I ever have that serving a mission
is exactly what I want and need to be doing at this time in my life. I know
I’ve made the right decision, that the Lord’s on my side, and that I’ll have
the Holy Ghost there with me the whole time, especially through the challenging
moments. The anxiety seems to slip away when I put what I’m doing
into an eternal perspective, and I feel calm.
I’d like to close with a quote called "The Fellowship of the Unashamed" by Dr. Bob Moorehead. "
I want everyone, especially my family, to know that I know that this church is true. I've known it all my life and I can't wait to share that truth with the people of Madrid. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
