You're going to have to forgive me for my negativity. This week has been one of the hardest my whole mission. I don't like my area. It's huge (we cover up by the airport in Barajas area, over to Plaza de Castilla, down to Gregorio Marañón, over to Canillejas and everything in between) and there's not very many Latins. Spaniards, just aren't very open and they never give us their numbers. We live in Mar de Cristal and it takes a million hours to get anywhere so we spend half our day in the metro. It's really really exhausting. I feel like crying every night when I get home, but I just don't have any energy left. It's so hard to be here. I feel discouraged and disappointed and I'm not happy. I wake up every morning looking forward to 10:00 when I can go home and sleep. I realize it's only been a week, but it's been the longest, most draining week ever and I don't think I'll survive another 5 weeks like this, but we'll see.
On a happy note, I really like Hermana Manner. Misery loves company, right? Neither of want to be here and we feel like we've been demoted to B4. Things were happening in our last areas - we left baptisms, families, improving wards, and companions who we felt like needed us. But all the time we're spending in the metro has let us get to know eachother and that's cool. She turned 20 Tuesday, but she's so mature and seems to have life figured out. I like her a lot and it's making being here a little bit easier.
Today when I got to emails I had this little gem from Hermana Marshall waiting for me. We only spent 48 hours together in an intercambio, but I love her a lot and she always says just the right thing at just the right time. She went home in April and I miss her, but THIS is exactly what I needed...
''The plan is so real and so simple. We are Children of GOD, blinded by the darkness of a fallen world and often forget it. Satan does ALL he can to tell us we suck, we are lost, we don't matter or even that God isn't there and doesn't care. BUT God and His mighty power, grace, mercy and all knowing wisdom does all He can to bring us back to Him. You are part of that MIGHTY force, cause you are connected to the powers of Heaven more than you could ever believe. God has been preparing hearts and the perfect timing, so that his children you come in contact with this week will feel his love and have a greater understanding of their Father in Heaven. CALL DOWN THE POWERS OF HEAVEN IN ALL YOU DO. Do all you do with greater purpose because there is not a second of your day that the Lord is not aware of. Walk every step with a deeper understanding of the great plan of the universe. Be better than you have been, pray harder than you have prayed that you will be able to have clear eyes and an open heart to where the Lord is guiding you!!''
I know my negativity and feelings of discouragment, doubt, and disappointment come from Satan. I know that he wants me to give up and that he wants me to fail. I know that it would be easy for me to give into those thoughts and to just lay down and quit, but I also know that Heavenly Father is aware of me and that He put me here for a reason. I know that there are people here in B4 (though they seem to be hiding) that God has prepared, that are ready to hear the gospel and my testimony and that they need me. So even though it's hard, I'll keep going.
I'll leave you with one last quote, this one from Brigham Young... ''All intelligent beings who are crowned with crowns of glory, immortality, and eternal lives must pass through every ordeal appointed for intelligent beings to pass through to gain their glory and exaltation. Every calamity that can come upon mortal beings will be suffered to prepare them to enjoy the presence of the Lord. Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation.''
I love you so so much. With the week I've had, the news about Charlie, and Conner leaving next week, I really just want to be with my family. I hope you know how much you guys mean to me and that without you, none of this would mean very much. I'm grateful for the plan that our loving Heavenly Father prepared for us so that we never have to doubt that forever together is possible.